The Right Way of Talking to Him About Commitment

It's typical for a woman these days to go through the frustrating - and downright baffling - experience of watching their current boyfriend drift away right after she fessed up her feelings for him. I mean, how can being downright honest ruin a good friendship?

Being honest is a very admirable quality in a relationship, and many of the better men out there actually like seeing the women they go out with to be upfront about stuff. But when you lay out all your cards all of a sudden and try to convince him to go into a deeper relationship with you, it's guaranteed to be a recipe for failure and heartbreak.

Here's why. Whether you know it or not, the great guys out there have likely had their share of flings and girlfriends, and are therefore likely to have a few brushes with the weird, fussy, "clingy" types of women. While jocks might like the idea of their women clinging to them in the scene, you wouldn't exactly like the idea of dating a jock, right?

The good men know that the "clingy" types of women are the same "needy" types that rush into relationships. While you may not mean to come off as clingy or needy, trying to push the relationship into the next level sets off an alarm in the minds of these men - and guess what label they'll put on you then and there.

On the other hand, it's not a good idea to just clam up and keep your peace, either. If you talk very little about yourself and how you feel about things, then he might start seeing you as aloof, or - worse - weird. While it doesn't get them running away from you like being clingy does, it does get the wheels turning.

So what's the right way of talking to him about commitment?

First of all, you'll have to never forget that you can't - read, can't - convince a man to love you, much less to get into a deeper, longer-term relationship with you. Merely trying can ruin your chances for good.

Secondly, remember that the good men out there know what they want. And it's absurdly simple in most cases - they'd like to be with women who make their lives easier and more enjoyable. They'd like women who are independent, fun to be with, and "cool." Simply being what these good men are looking for is enough to attract them to you. In fact, when they like you so much, they might even move the relationship forward for you. Wouldn't that be great?

In a nutshell, learn to listen to him. Acknowledge his way of thinking and looking at things. Once you get to see things in his context, you'll be better able to relate to him and realize the things that make him tick. Naturally, this doesn't always work, as some of these men will ultimately be incompatible with your way of thinking, feeling, and acting. But give yourself a chance to be one of the "cool women" out there!

BY HARRISON OMOTUENMHEN